Partner & Support Resources

If your partner is on a HARBOR healing journey, this section provides essential guidance for understanding, supporting, and creating safety together as you both heal.

What is HARBOR?

Understanding Hypervigilance, Abandonment, Rupture, Betrayal-Oriented Response and its impact

HARBOR (Hypervigilance, Abandonment, Rupture, Betrayal-Oriented Response) occurs when someone experiences betrayal, deception, or integrity violations in close relationships. Unlike other trauma responses, HARBOR specifically affects how a person relates to trust, safety, and attachment.

What Your Partner May Experience:

  • • Feeling like they live in a different reality
  • • Questioning their own memory and instincts
  • • Difficulty trusting even in calm moments
  • • Feeling emotionally unsafe
  • • Nervous system constantly on edge
  • • Fear of abandonment and disconnection

Common Responses:

  • • Hypervigilance about inconsistencies
  • • Emotional swings between anger and numbness
  • • Difficulty accepting comfort
  • • Minimizing their own needs
  • • Physical reactions to betrayal reminders
  • • Shame about still wanting closeness

The 6 Stages of HARBOR Healing

Understanding your partner's healing journey

1

The Shatter

Initial trauma discovery and truth unraveling

Click to learn more about supporting your partner through this stage

2

The Echo

Emotional dysregulation and cognitive dissonance

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3

The Mirror

Self-reflection and identity rebuilding

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4

The Fireline

Boundary setting and releasing shame

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5

The Recalibration

Redefining connection and safety

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6

The Anchor

Integration and post-traumatic growth

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